WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING

There is absolutely, positively nothing better than wedding dress shopping with your daughter.  This is a mothers dream!  Am I right?  I've thought about her dress a lot over the past few years.  She and Cam have been together five years, so naturally I have thought about it.  What I didn't prepare for was how emotional I would be.  Yes, I knew that most moms cried when they saw "the dress", but I was emotional BEFORE we even arrived at the boutique.  There were so many emotions running through me.  I was excited, nervous she would get her hopes up and not find anything, or that what she thought looked good on her did not or what I thought would look good, did not.  No matter what, I was a bundle of emotions.  All I can say is a huge thank you to the Wedding Dress Shoppe in Wilmington, NC for making this process so easy.  Ashley and I went into this experience with no expectations.  We did not plan on finding anything.

It's interesting the array of emotions you go through when you watch your daughter try on wedding dresses.  You can actually see the event taking place and what she will look like in her dress.  It's amazing how that's even possible.  For one, I've never seen the venue they are thinking about getting married at.  Two, well....she's never been married, so I have no frame of reference to go by.  But, as she slowly made her way out of the dressing room each time, I could actually tell whether she was going to look stunning in that dress or not.  Each dress she tried on was beautiful, but none of them made her sparkle like "the dress" did.  I knew the minute she came out.  Gosh, I still get chocked up thinking about it.  The second she came out, I started crying.  Not the gushing, slobbering type of crying.  Rather a huge lump in my throat and big tears leaking out of my eyes.  It was then that I knew this was "the dress" for her.  She did too.  She got chocked up, but maintained herself.  Right then and there, she decided to stop trying on dresses and look at that one and 2 others that were of the same style, different laces.  She went back into the dressing room and came out wearing one of the three that she liked, but immediately started finding flaws with the other two.  Although those two were perfect and top contenders, she could now see specifically what each dress did not have, when compared to "the dress".  Fourteen gowns later, we bought 'THE DRESS!"

I want to throw in one pointer here.  As she was trying on the top 3 dresses, I asked her consultant if she could try on a veil so that we could see how it would look with each dress.  All three dresses had beautiful lace and lace details, so we were not sure which type of veil to go with, something simple or with lace.  We told her we were interested in a cathedral veil, so she pulled one off the rack.  Long story short, this particular veil had been custom made for a soon-to-be-bride and she did not like how long it was, so she did not purchase it.  They offered us the veil at a ridiculously low price.  Cathedral veils run upwards of $1000 or higher.  They sold us a brand new, never worn, custom made veil for $299.  Of course we said yes!!  The point....always ask to try on a veil because you need to see how it will all look together.

All in all, with the dress and the cathedral veil, we spent $2,453.71.  This for a stunning, Italian made mermaid style dress, with a long train, and the most gorgeous lace I've ever seen.  I tell you this, because you do NOT have to spend thousands upon thousands of dollars for a wedding gown, when you can spend about $2,000 for a stunning, soft lace gown.  Start with a price range of $2,000-$2,500 and see where that takes you.  There is a myth that a beautiful wedding gown will cost you $5,000-$10,000.  While I admit that this might be true, there is simply no reason to spend that much.  Our daughters gown was designed by a reputable Italian designer, Eddy K.  It looks no different than the $5,000-$10,000 mermaid gowns.  In fact, it looks like it cost that much.  I'm so extremely proud of our daughter for choosing a stunning dress, one that makes her look like an angel, all for about $2,000.  Now we need to find "the shoes"!!

From left to right: Ashley-Bridesmaid, 

ASHLEY-THE BRIDE,

and Shannon-Maid of Honor

ENGAGEMENT PARTY

I am so thankful we prioritized events!!  It has somewhat made our lives much easier.  The only hard part is that my daughter and I live about 3 1/2 hours apart from each other, so that makes planning an engagement party very difficult.  We decided that it would be in Greensboro, NC where she lives, since the majority of their friends and Cam's family lives there.  Trying to find a venue that didn't charge an exorbitant rental amount AND would allow us to bring in our own caterer, or that could work within the dates we wanted was exhausting.  Worse yet, trying to handle all of it from 3 1/2 hours away was not the easiest.  My intent had been to put something together that did not involve my daughter having to plan it.  I did not feel like they should have to plan their own party, but as I sit here typing this, it turns out she had to get involved way more than I wanted.  That's okay because my ideas have evolved into something that she really wants and Cam is happy with.  Sadly, the groom doesn't have much say in the wedding planning process, so I am bound and determined to make sure the engagement party is just as special for him as it is for her.

So, where to begin?  Well, I sat down with Ashley to find out her vision for how she wanted this party.  She described an Arabian Nights type of theme, since she and my husband are Lebanese.  She wanted something relaxed, but still classy.  Her only stipulation was that we serve Lebanese food.  In the Lebanese culture, there are many wedding traditions that are so deeply ingrained into the culture that you really need to live in Lebanon to partake in them.   Essentially, weddings are large extravaganzas that celebrate the combining of two families.  Although the same could be said for American weddings, it's really not the same.  In Lebanon, brides wear spectacular gowns that mimic something out of a Cinderella movie.  Gowns so large that brides need help standing up.  Gowns that cost upwards of $15,000 or higher.  In addition, pre-ceremony parties are held - one for the bride at her family home and one for the groom at his family home.  These parties last hours and involve family, food, and lots of celebration.  Once the bride is ready to go she is surrounded by Zaffe drummers that escort her to the church.  Zaffe drummers also perform for the bride and grooms entrance to the reception.  The reception is also quite a performance.  Zaffe drummers and belly dancers perform.  Although I'm sure that's not always the case, it is fairly common.  So, why am I telling you all of this?  Because Ashley wants to embrace her Lebanese culture and incorporate as much of these traditions as she can into her wedding, beginning with the engagement party.  Bringing in authentic Lebanese food is one small way she can embrace her culture.

After lots of planning and perusing Pinterest, she and I came up with a game plan and shared it with Cam.  Being the amazing man he is, he only had one small stipulation.....Don't do it in the backyard.  He felt like their backyard was not large enough and would require too much work to get it presentable.  So, I sought out other venues.  After exhausting every where I could possibly think of, Ashley came up with the idea of renting an AirBnB home that had a spectacular backyard.  This was the smartest idea!  She contacted the owner, met him at the house, and video called me so that I could look at it with her.  The price was incredible, the backyard was spectacular, and the owner was wonderful to work with.  We both saw this as a blessing and secured the venue.

Next we moved on to renting tents, tables, lights, etc.  From there I placed a large order on Amazon for items to decorate under the tents and around the yard.  I'm still in that process, but so far, here's our idea of what the backyard should look like when we are done:

Image from Pinterest

Obviously, Ashley and Cam's party will have our own twist on it, but this was our guide.  Amazon ended up being the most cost effective way to order decorations.  I searched Walmart, Target, Dollar Tree, Wayfaire, Overstock, etc., but in the end Amazon had what we wanted for a better price.  Gotta love Amazon Prime with the free shipping!  Within in a day, the following items arrived and are now safely stored away until October 6, 2018.

I'm still looking for items and Ashley and I are still adding and adjusting the party as we go.  I think we are off to a good start.  I'll be sure to post pictures AFTER the party on October 6, 2018.  

SHE'S ALREADY PLANNING!

If you have a daughter that is a planner, then you know that the second the engagement passes that she is going to start planning.  Well, that's exactly what happened.  I'm not upset/annoyed/angry at all.  In fact, quite the opposite.  I wanted to start planning the second we hung up the phone from hearing, "I'm getting married!!"  I'm not going to lie, I did start planning, but I didn't tell her that.  After all, the Mother of the Bride books say to not overwhelm her.  So, I didn't!!  I simply started pinning goodies on Pinterest and making notes in a notebook and sat back to wait for her to catch up!  LOL  I'm not lying!  It's sad, I know, but that's who I am.  I had to have a serious talk with  myself to remind my inner me that I could absolutely, positively, not overwhelm our daughter with ideas.  My inner self said she understood, but did she really?

Within days, three to be exact, my daughter was texting me from Greece, with a list of things she was thinking.  Our thoughts were literally all over the place.  It was amazing!!!  I made a point to screen shot all of our messages, because maybe one day I'll create a book or something for her and our son-in-law that shows the emotions that were raging through her that day.  Regardless, I plan on keeping those messages, because my future grandchildren might find them interesting to read.

The first thought I had, after I put my phone down, was how do we decide how much money to set aside for a wedding?  How would any average person know that?  Costofwedding.com states that The average wedding cost in the United States for 2017 was $25,764. Couples, on average, spend between $19,323 and $32,205 but, 50% of couples spend less than $15,000.  So, where do we begin?  Here is where I would love to say that my husband and I concocted some elaborate formula to decide this, but we did not.  We talked about an amount that we both thought was reasonable, $20,000 and then decided we would leave another $5,000 for overflow, since we were guessing we had to leave some extra in case.  We also knew that we wanted to throw Ashley and Cam an engagement party.  Since that traditionally rested on the parents of the bride, we set aside another $2,500-$3,000.  The one thing my husband and I were certain of is that we did not want the engagement party funds coming out of the big wedding fund.  Weddings are expensive, so we knew we needed to set a different pot of money for each event.  It's better to have too much money, then not enough.  So, now we have 2 pots and are working on planning the engagement party.

I will end this post by saying that I really had to prioritize events before we moved forward.  My daughter and I were both very excited about so many things, so our conversations moved from venues to dresses to reception and then back to the engagement party and wedding party gifts.  It was a constant circle of conversations and eventually my daughter and I decided that we had to prioritize things so that we could keep it straight.  That's the best decision we've made so far.  Trying to figure out too many things at once is very stressful.

Oh, did I mention they are getting married in Portugal?

Multitasking at its best!!  Talking to the wedding

planner in Lisbon, Portugal while traveling to 

Oklahoma to see her brothers (June, 2018)

WEDDING PLANNING

I have figured out very quickly that wedding planning can be OVERWHELMING!!!  Since this is our first wedding, I have no idea what is expected of me.  I have no idea what my daughter expects from me.  I have no idea what is traditional or even if she wants traditional.  I simply have no idea where to start.

First, as per my usual, I start researching.  I love to research.  Reading to find out all the answers to your questions.  I begin by searching for "Mother of the Bride" blogs.  I knew I needed something that would serve as a guide for me.  Something that would peak my interest and guide me through all the stages of planning a wedding.  I needed something that was written in a way that drew me in and offered ways to help our daughter through all the stages of planning.  Sadly, I did not find what I needed, so I decided to start my own.  Not only is this a way for me to chronicle my journey as a Mother of the Bride, but hopefully this is a way to help other moms, or even brides, through the process.  This is not a "How To" blog.   I am not selling anything.  I am simply chronicling my steps through each part of this journey. 

Second, I went online to Barnes and Noble and Amazon to find Mother of the Bride books.  I needed something that would help me to stay organized and tell me what is expected of me.  I knew from past experiences and speaking with other Mother of the Brides that my role was huge.  That is exhilarating and scary at the same time.  I want to do right by my daughter.  I want her to have the wedding of her dreams.  I want her to know she has my undivided attention, when she needs it.  I want to make sure that we end this journey with our relationship just as strong as it is now.  I do not want her to look back and say, "Woo, I'm glad that's over with!"  Nope, I want her to think and feel like she was supported along the way and I needed something that would help me to help her.  I do have to admit, searching online for Mother of the Bride books is daunting, so I would not recommend it.  Unfortunately, we live about 30-40 minutes from a book store, so this was my only avenue at that time.  I ended up purchasing 4 books, which I've listed below.  I know... that's overkill, but I felt each book would help me.  In the end, I've really only used one that I find is the most helpful.  That is Sharon Naylor's, "The Mother-of-the-Bride Book: Giving your Daughter a Wonderful Wedding (Updated Edition).

This book is WONDERFUL!!  So helpful in explaining the process and emotions that your daughter and you will go through.  So far, everything that is in this book has been exactly how I've experienced it.  If you buy any books, be sure you add this one to your cart.  I also added these books, but so far have mostly relied on Sharon Naylor's:

No matter which book you decide to buy, you cannot go wrong.  All 4 are awesome and reasonably priced on Amazon.  All 4 provide a great starting point if this is your first time planning a wedding.

Lastly, one of the greatest messages I took away from Sharon Naylor is that being a Mother of the Bride is an amazing, once in a life time experience and you want to give it the respect that the title deserves.  Working along beside your daughter through this journey is going to make your relationship strong, if not stronger.  Stand beside her, don't judge, don't force your ideas on her, and simply be her sounding board.  I can do that!!

SHE'S ENGAGED, JUNE 2, 2018

Wow, I've been waiting for this moment for the past 28 years!  Wondering what it would really feel like when your daughter called to tell you she was engaged.  There are no words.  We knew it was coming, because Cam had contacted us to ask our permission and blessing.  The wait from Wednesday to Saturday was brutal.  I kept imagining how he would do it.  Would he get down on one knee?  Would he propose during dinner or surprise her somewhere along their route while sightseeing in Santorini, Greece?  What time would it be here in North Carolina when he proposed in Greece?  It was downright brutal and exciting all at the same time.  The number of emotions was overwhelming.  I went from pure excitement, with tears running down my face while I jumped up and down, to fear something would interfere with the proposal, to crying again because I was so excited for her.  It was a roller coaster!  I never imagined my emotions would be all over the place, but they were.  It's truly hard to put into words how I felt.  One thing I know for certain is that we could never have asked for a more perfect man for our daughter.  He is hardworking, kind, caring, adores her, and let's face it, put's up with her emotions/personality. Not to mention that his family is above and beyond amazing to her and to us.  It's the perfect union of two families that get along so well.  He is everything you imagined your daughter marrying.  For that, we are so incredibly blessed!  So today, June 2, 2018 is an extremely happy day in our house.  Today we begin the journey of planning our very first wedding and working through any hurdles that comes our way.  It's going to be exciting!!